When you see someone weeping. . .

Donald's Commentary on The Handbook of Epictetus #16

When you see someone weeping in sorrow, either because a child has gone on a journey, or because he has lost his property, beware that you be not carried away by the impression that the man is in the midst of external ills, but straightway keep before you this thought: “It is not what has happened that distresses this man (for it does not distress another), but his judgement about it.” Do not, however, hesitate to sympathize with him so far as words go, and, if occasion offers, even to groan with him; but be careful not to groan also in the centre of your being.

Commentary

Don’t be carried away by the impression that the upsetting thing is the external situation, as opposed to the individual’s cognitive response. It’s a classic Stoic formula to ask ourselves “Does this affect others in the same way?” If not then it’s our beliefs that cause the distress rather than the event itself. This sort of question can also be found in the Socratic dialogues of Plato and Xenophon. So it’s likely that Epictetus views himself as following in Socrates’ footsteps with this line of reasoning.