My Self-Improvement Framework

How to keep your life in alignment with your values

Photo by Jonathan Kemper on Unsplash

This article describes a general framework for self-improvement that I employ in coaching. It’s based on Stoicism and third-wave cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT). It’s evolved quite a lot over the years, since we first described a similar method in the original Stoic Week online course. Based on feedback from clients, I’ve added various adjustments, and made some notes that seem to help people put it into practice.

Values Clarification

In modern society, the majority of people orient their lives around external goals, such as wealth or reputation. Even people who pursue self-help tend to think in terms of outcomes, such as reducing anxiety or depression, which they hope to achieve in the future. Stoicism requires an epistrophe (conversion, literally “turning around”) or radical change of orientation in which we align our lives primarily with our core values, or the concept of virtue. This shift toward character-based values is also central to third-wave CBT, and has been found particularly beneficial in the treatment of clinical depression and certain forms of anxiety.

If you place supreme value on certain outcomes then your attention will naturally be drawn to the future, when you hope to achieve them, and away from the present moment. By placing more value on our own character than upon future outcomes we naturally ground our attention on our actions in the present moment. For that reason, I find that this “virtue ethic” perspective is essential to the goals of self-improvement, and it provides a foundation for everything that follows.

Instead of asking yourself what you want to achieve, ask yourself what sort of person you want to be. That’s similar to asking how you would define human flourishing or fulfilment (eudaimonia), which the Stoics define as the supreme goal of life. For many people that may consist in variations of the cardinal virtues (wisdom, justice/kindness, courage, temperance), or other important character traits.

I have found that self-improvement is difficult unless you have a way of tracking your progress. Rating yourself against the most important thing in life, your core values, is the best way to do this. Select the specific virtue, though, in relation to which there is the most room for improvement. Suppose you choose temperance. Ask yourself first of all how many minutes in total you invested yesterday in activities that involved exercising your temperance. Then rate yourself (0-10) for how well you exemplified temperance overall.

But, on the whole, tho’ I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet I was, by the endeavour, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been if I had not attempted it… — Ben Franklin, Autobiography

Stoic Mindfulness

Consider; if someone were to say to the eye, “See thyself,” as you might say to a man, “Know thyself,” what is the nature and meaning of this precept? — Plato, Alcibiades I

I have also found that some form of ongoing self-observation, or mindfulness, is an essential foundation for self-improvement. Otherwise, it’s common for people to practice self-improvement sometimes but then lapse into bad habits at other times. The Stoics called this continual attention to their own thoughts and actions prosoche — you could also call it Stoic Mindfulness. It is clearly impossible for mere mortals to be perfectly self-aware 100% of the time. Nevertheless, we can attempt to maintain awareness of our thoughts and actions more consistently throughout the day. When our attention wanders from our own behaviour, in a sense, it’s like taking our hands off the steering wheel of a car. We can only regain control of our lives when we are aware of how we’re behaving from moment to moment, in the here and now.

When you let your attention wander even for a little while, don't imagine that you'll be able to pick it up again whenever you want. Instead, keep this thought ready at hand: because of what you've neglected today, your affairs are necessarily going to be worse in the future. — Epictetus, Discourses, 4.12

Throughout the day, pay close attention to how your thoughts, actions, and feelings interact with one another. Observe whether your thoughts and actions are aligned with your core values, especially the one you’ve chosen to work on. Do your thoughts lead you toward greater temperance, for instance, or do they lead in the opposite direction? Seneca said that knowing that at the end of the day he would evaluate himself in relation to his supreme goal helped make him feel more accountable and motivated to pay close attention during the day.

"Practise, then, from the very beginning to say to every disagreeable impression, 'You're an impression and not at all what you appear to be.' Then examine it and test it by these rules that you possess, and first and foremost by this one, whether the impression relates to those things that are within our power, or those that aren't within our power; and if it relates to anything that isn't within our power, be ready to reply, 'That's nothing to me.'" — Epictetus, Enchiridion, 1

When you encounter thoughts that create obstacles to acting in accord with your values, or which evoke troubling emotions, such as anxiety or depression, you can respond following the advice of Epictetus. Talk to the thought as if talking to a person (a strategy called apostrophizing in rhetoric). Say “You are just an impression and not at all what you appear to be” or “You are just a thought and not the whole story”. (The Greek can be taken to imply that the impression is not the whole truth about the thing it represents.) Alfred Korzybski, the founder of General Semantics, used to add the words et cetera to his thoughts to emphasize to himself, in a similar manner, that they were abstractions and not the whole truth about reality.

Think of the practice of Stoic Mindfulness itself as exemplifying your core values. perhaps even state to yourself, for instance, “I am paying attention to my thoughts because I want to develop more temperance.” Your goal is not to struggle against “bad” thoughts but rather to observe your mind from this perspective, distinguishing clearly between helpful and unhelpful ways of thinking, in relation to your core values and the goal of eudaimonia. The Dalai Lama described a similar Buddhist method that entails asking ourselves whether a thought leads us toward long-term happiness and wellbeing, or not.

Self-Evaluation

At the end of each day, before going to sleep, review your progress. First yourself from 0-10 in relation to the core value you’re working on. Then consider how you could improve your rating tomorrow.

The Stoics, and other ancient philosophers, asked themselves three questions each evening, derived from The Golden Verses of Pythagoras. These are how I tend to phrase them.

1. What did you do well in relation to your core value? (And how could you reinforce that and repeat it in the future.)

2. Where did you go wrong in relation to your core value? (And how can you address that and behave differently from now on.)

3. What else could you do in order to exercise your core value? (And when exactly are you going to do it?)

In particular, it’s essential to remember to praise yourself for even small progress, just as you would encourage a student. Of course, you must identify problems and fix them, and keep pushing yourself to make additional small changes in your behaviour that align with your values.

Activity Scheduling

Some people read self-help books and keep journals, but never change their behaviour. A good framework for self-improvement, in my experience, will emphasize commitment to change. A common obstacle to change is procrastination. We have to take the plunge to avoid this, by adopting an “experimental” attitude toward behaviour change. Start with small changes, take a “trial and error” approach, assuming that you will want to learn from and modify the tasks you are undertaking and the changes you are making to your daily routine.

Initially, I would suggest that you begin by identifying one small change or activity that aligns with the value you’re working on, which you can schedule a specific time to do tomorrow — you have to get the ball of self-improvement rolling. Think of this as a deliberate attempt to increase your self-rating score. When performing the task, make an effort to link it with your core values. At first, you should do this by actually saying to yourself, for example, “I am doing this for the sake of developing temperance”. If you want to push yourself further, repeat those words three times, before, during, and after, the task, to really strengthen the psychological link between the activity and your values.

It is often helpful to maintain a list of tasks that you could do immediately, in the near future, or every day, in accord with the core value you’re working on. Brainstorm an initial list of roughly 6-12 activities, if possible. There’s an additional step that many of my clients find extremely helpful. Go through your initial list and sort the activities into general strategies and specific tactics. Specific tactics are actionable right away, whereas to implement a general strategy you would have to come up with an example of how to put it into practice, i.e., a specific tactic that falls under that heading. For instance, “assertive communication” might be a general self-improvement strategy, whereas a specific example or tactic, that’s actionable, would be “Politely decline the next request I receive for an interview”, or “Ask my co-worker to review the draft of my presentation, even though he might not like what it says.” You can think of general strategies as subheadings, under which you can list several specific tactics, and organize a document in that way. This is helpful because some people tend to think too much in terms of general strategies, and need to be encouraged to come up with specific actionable steps that they can take. Others may come up with a number of specific tactics, which all fall under the same heading — they’re all just variations of the same general strategy. Ask yourself if you’ve overlooked a whole category of general strategies, which other people might use to exercise the value that you’re working on. This way you can fill in gaps or “blind-spots” in your self-improvement plan by identifying a more complete set of strategies and tactics.

Value-Driven External Goals

Over time, you may want to reintroduce certain external goals. You can now do this by making them subordinate to your core values. For example, you can ask yourself what goals might help you to develop more temperance, or would serve as evidence of progress in that regard. Sometimes you can work backwards by asking yourself what character traits (virtues) you would need in order to achieve your long-term goals, but be careful not to fall into the trap of making your virtues subordinate to external outcomes. Sometimes long-term goals need to be broken down into steps, or subordinate goals, achievable in the medium or short term.

Sometimes people stall at this point. So to prevent that from happening, brainstorm a list of steps you can take immediately that would constitute progress toward your goals, and which align with your core values. Schedule a specific time to take the first step, and get the ball rolling toward your goal. Remember to keep the link with your core values in mind by telling yourself, for instance, “I’m doing this because I value temperance.”

Values Clarification

Values work often begins as a sort of pen and paper exercise, with values clarification questions. In my experience, this can sometimes lead to procrastination. I invariably find that when people begin to change their behaviour, they start to redefine their values. So I would recommend adopting an experimental attitude, and beginning with a “good enough” definition of your core values, so that you can start making small changes to your daily routine.

Of course, it’s important to clarify your values. You need to know that you’re working on your true values and in the areas where you most urgently need to improve your life. The cycle of behaviour change and self-evaluation above will help you enormously in doing this. Once you’ve started using it, you can begin to focus in more depth on questions such as the following:

• What sort of person do you want to be in general, and in relation to the most important roles in your life?

• How would you define your core values? How might you explain to a child what it means to have wisdom or temperance, for example?

• How are your values related to one another? (Socrates believed all the virtues are one.)

• What would be the longer-term consequences of exhibiting more of your core values — for example, if your rating increased slightly, or went all the way up to ten out of ten?

Sometimes it’s also useful to ask yourself what traits you genuinely admire in other people. Are these qualities you could potentially value in yourself? What would happen if you behaved more like the people you most admire? Conversely, for people who struggle to articulate their values, it can sometimes help to consider the things they detest most about other people. In most cases, clients today tend to focus on politicians, and they may talk about how they can’t stand their dishonesty and hypocrisy, etc. That strong dislike implies, though, that they probably value opposing traits, such as honesty and integrity.

Examples

This routine provides a general framework for self-improvement. You can use it to enhance any specific self-help technique, and incorporate it into a broader philosophy of life, centred on developing your character, or the goal of eudaimonia. You’ll find that Stoicism and other ancient philosophies align neatly with this approach, and modern CBT can also fit within this broader perspective. Many clients have pointed out that it resembles the framework for self-improvement described by Benjamin Franklin, in his autobiography, which was also inspired by Greek philosophy, including the Golden Verses.

Let’s suppose that you consider “emotional resilience” to be a core value. (The Stoics might subsume that under “courage” or androsyne.) You might begin by reflecting on what “resilience” means and how you define it. I would encourage you to begin implementing behavioural changes sooner rather than later, though. These initial changes can be viewed as low-stakes experiments. Your foundation will be continual self-observation, noticing whether your thoughts and actions align with emotional resilience or lead you in the opposite direction. There’s potentially no point implementing specific changes if you’re underming yourself in countless other ways at other times throughout the day.

For instance, if you repeatedly tell yourself “This is awful and I can’t cope!”, throughout the day, it will be an uphill struggle to improve unless you do something to prevent these thoughts from directly undermining your resilience. First, just notice as they happen that they are in conflict with the value you place on emotional resilience. Then literally speak to them and say something like: “You are just a thought and not the whole story.” Don’t struggle to change these thoughts, just realize that they’re unhelpful and shift to viewing them from a more detached perspective, as abstractions, or representations of external events — as Korzybski put it, tell yourself that they are merely the map and not the terrain. This is essentially what we call “cognitive distancing” or “verbal defusion” in modern CBT. The goal is to firmly grasp that your troubling thought is just a thought and not a fact, so that you gain more psychological flexibility. Think of this mindfulness practice itself as an example of emotional resilience — directly linking, in your mind, the exercise to your core values.

At the end of the day, rate yourself 0-10 for emotional resilience. Perhaps also consider how many minutes you spent developing or exhibiting your emotional resilience. Then ask yourself what specifically you did well, and give yourself praise and encouragement, to reinforce your progress. Next, ask yourself if you did anything that was contrary to emotional resilience, or exhibited an unhealthy emotional vulnerability instead. Consider how you can address that problem and change your behaviour next time. Finally, ask yourself what additional activities you could have engaged in that would have exhibited or helped you to develop emotional resilience.

Activities that align with your values might include researching, practising, or exhibiting traits such as emotional resilience, and other virtues. You might, for instance, decide on researching self-help techniques, by reading a book, doing a course, or applying strategies such as relaxation techniques in practice. You would begin testing these activities out tomorrow, if possible, and evaluate your progress at the end of the day. In reality, many people find that they can improve their character by making smaller changes, such as facing their fears one at a time or tolerating discomfort for a bit longer than normal. Small changes often lead to big improvements, especially over the longer-term.

It has been my experience that gradually, over time, clients tend to shift from thinking of their values in terms of very specific activities to different perspective, which sees virtually any activity as an opportunity to exercise the virtue they’re working on. For example, facing your fears systematically, and employing relaxation skills and coping statements, might be a typical self-help approach to developing resilience. However, eventually, you may find you can brush your teeth like a resilient individual, or change your baby’s diapers, or eat cornflakes, or wait patiently in a dentist’s office, with emotional resilience. Even doing nothing while contemplating a virtue may be a way of strengthening your connection with it.

Conclusion

Never allow sleep to close your eyelids, after you went to bed,
Until you have examined all your actions of the day by your reason.
In what have I done wrong? What have I done? What have I omitted that I ought to have done?
If in this examination you find that you have done wrong, reprove yourself severely for it;
And if you have done any good, rejoice.
Practise thoroughly all these things; meditate on them well; you ought to love them with all your heart.
It is those that will put you in the way of divine virtue. — The Golden Verses

(I would change the “reprove yourself severely” part; Seneca makes it clear that we should undertake this exercise with compassion, as if advising a friend.)

The approach described in this article isn’t intended as a substitute for therapy or self-help but potentially as a generic framework that may allow you to make more systematic use of individual techniques and behavioural changes. Think of it as a yoga or way of life. If you’re interested in ancient philosophy, you’ll find this a very useful way to turn your reading into a practice.