It is not the man criticizing you that offends you...

Donald's Commentary on The Handbook of Epictetus #20

Bear in mind that it is not the man who insults or strikes you that offends you, but it is your judgement that these men are offending you. Therefore, when someone irritates you, be assured that it is your own opinion which has irritated you. And so make it your first endeavour not to be carried away by the external impression; for if once you gain time and delay, you will more easily become master of yourself.

Commentary

It is not insults that upset us but our judgments about them. This is a specific application of the basic formula we met in passage #5: “It’s not things that upset us but our judgements about them.” Here Epictetus reminds us that this applies to insults. They only really become “insulting” if we choose to view them as important. Our irritation, or offence, comes from our own opinion about what was said or done.